Waxing on by the windmills

TDLR: Before doing something drastic like quitting your job to start or buy a business… or moving to another country… make sure you’re mentally and emotionally sound first. Be happy first versus chasing it around corners.

If you’re going to talk about “non-traditional” life or career paths, remember that some people will interpret the message as proselytization writ large… or blanket denigration of traditional paths… or lacking empathy for those who “can’t do it” for some specific reason. Those are, of course, the wrong interpretations. There is no correct way to live or work… assuming you are happy. But therein lies the question...

Are people happy? Are you happy?

Gallup released data in 2023 showing that 29% of US adults have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives… and 18% currently have or are being treated for it.

Depressing.

I know it’s complex, but I think these diagnoses are exacerbated by the unnatural and unhealthy external stimuli of modernity. Some of these stimuli come in the form of expectations others have of you based on “how things have always been” or “your parents worked hard so you could work under florescent lighting with clean hands" type thinking. Other stimuli come in the form of ridiculous (and fake) overachieving entrepreneurs, fitness gurus, globetrotters, or super-parents you see on TikTok or Instagram that make you feel lazy, weak, ugly, or uninteresting. These colliding social expectations are leading many young people to do nothing at all. For example, there is a social movement today among young people in China called tang ping — or “lying flat”. All these overbearing stimuli are killing youth productivity and economic/social vibrance — they need to be nudged into ignoring them.

Meanwhile, also according to Gallup, 85% of people hate their jobs.

Certainly depressive thoughts are negatively correlated to income, as this 2022 study suggests. But it isn’t binary. Low-income folks are 60% more likely to experience mild depressive thoughts than high-income folks, but it’s still 19% versus 12%. Albeit 5% experience the worst depressive feelings versus only 1% of high-income folks.

Everyone can feel depressed or unhappy for various reasons.

I think if I’ve made any mistake in giving career advice to people — especially the high-income, high-education, high-achiever crowd — it’s that I sometimes assume they’re only unhappy about their job or career or financial situation. That they’re happy in most other ways… they have ambition, they’re healthy, they have strong relationships, etc. — and they’re happy about these things. They are net happy, not net depressed.

Anyone who’s followed my writing (i.e. vrexec on X) already knows this story...

My wife and I were happy with our lives living in suburban New Jersey earning a nice living surrounded by friends and family. You could say big pieces of our life and circumstances were ideal. We know how to rank what’s most important — health family, etc. However we thought that we might become unhappy if we didn’t start doing some of the “big things” we wanted to do sooner than later. Perhaps we feared future regret, but we largely did what we did because we thought it was exciting and we believed it was possible. Sure, we had some funds to “get by” for a couple of years in a worst-case scenario — I’m not dismissing the importance of this part — but we are not independently wealthy or trust fund people. We took risks because at the end of the day, what’s the worst that could happen? We would lose money? We wouldn’t like the decision? At least we made one.

I had an increasingly painful itch to go out on my own (I launched a small consulting and M&A business) and I wanted to have more control over how I spent my time while the kids are young (versus 12+ hour days on Wall Street). And my wife and I had both dreamed of living abroad for at least a few years (I found a job overseas that facilitated this). We’re only in our 30s… but each year would make it harder as we and the kids grew community roots.

“Possible” is the key takeaway in all of this.

It’s not easy. It’s not simple. It can be incredibly taxing on the mind. But it’s possible.

You need a lot of happiness elsewhere to pay that tax.

I said in the beginning: There is no correct way to live or work… assuming you are happy.

If you’re truly unhappy, then it’s fair to say whatever life or career path you’re on is maybe the wrong one for you. But at the same time, it’s much harder to generate the right internal motivation or strength to get out of your situation if you’re unhappy about the most important aspects of your life — family, friends, health. The right motivation is positive motivation… the desire to seek something great or different… versus escaping something dismal or lackluster. You want to come at it from a position of strength.

I admit it’s a catch-22. The best time to “blow up” your current life or work situation is when you’re pretty happy — because given the risk — you need to be mentally OK if you “fail”. Again, none of this is easy.

Before doing something drastic like starting or buying a business or moving to another continent… make sure you’re mentally and emotionally sound. Make sure you have plenty of other things to be happy about if you’re trying to fix the unhappy things.

Try self-auditing — What are the expectations on you and where are the stimuli coming from? How are these making you feel?

End bad relationships. Cut off negativity. Stop scrolling.

Try lifting anchor and sailing away from the expectation and the stimuli.

Ask for help if you need it.

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

/end ramble